Im just going to shoot straight to the point. There is a number one reason why most relationships fail. In a huge nutshell, People simply stop giving a F! Once a person has checked out, everything goes to hell. Every couple I have interviewed and upon extensive research on this issue, He /She just stopped giving a damm; they have stopped being committed to the relationship.
When we meet someone we usually put our best foot forward trying to make sure the person gets the best version of ourselves. Not in all instances but in most cases people will tout their best qualities. This is the time they will put the most effort into the relationship. So pay close attention, because this is their best! And if their best isn’t satisfying you now, just know that it is likely to decline from there.
People often create a fantasy in that they believe the partner is great, not seeing any flaws. This is the honeymoon stage of all relationships. This is when you can’t see anything bad about the person. You are smitten and believe in the best of them and want to focus on their good traits. It is the time you are hopeful, accepting all of their blunders without fault.
Some people take years to stop the charade. Others let you see their true colors immediately–sometimes even before they say I do! I respect people like this because at least you know what you are getting into. I’ve seen several people state, I got married and it was like the person changed immediately. This isn’t right, and we should be very careful about marriage.
I liken this to when we see famous people who have world-wind romances. You see them everywhere together traveling, and enjoying life, carried away by their affections for one another. And the next day they have split up. We are all left wondering, what happened? Most of the times, people simply started being themselves.
Read the few points I’ve laid out below to show the top reasons things fail between couples. If you want to maintain a good relationship you have to make the same effort you did on day one. Just as a fire needs something to keep burning or else it will die; so does your relationship. People take strong effort to move up the career ladder or gain spirituality but, give no energy to your relationships. Then they wonder why did it fail? Why do you think statistically the divorce rate has gone up. And there are so many dating sites.
You have stopped paying attention to your looks. You have gotten outta shape and don’t dress up as often. This isn’t to say you wont have bad days and no one can always look flawless. This is simply to say make a bit of effort to care for yourself. Besides, when you feel confident and physically attractive your, partner will feel the same about you.
You put little effort in doing nice things for your partner, offering a massage, asking if they need help. Just being attentive. Their needs are often met with criticism or no active effort to meet their needs.
You put your work before your relationship. No one wants to be neglected. The moment you start doing this, Your partner may pull away from you. Spending time together and not having to beg for attention makes a person feel valuable. If you can make time to have long drawn out conversations with a co-worker, you can too with your partner.
You have stopped buying or treating your partner to things. As most women will tell you, receiving flowers or chocolate should not be limited to a holiday or birthday. All people like to be thought of, It doesn’t matter what you can afford. It’s the thought that counts. As well as paying attention to their interest.
The relationship has become mundane just doing the same boring thing everyday. Make a surprise candlelight dinner, plan a picnic or day activity. Do something unsuspected. Sometimes, the planning on your part shows you want to spend time with your love.
You have stopped having sex, You are not playful. You don’t mix things up. It’s really important to liven up your bedroom activities. Ask your spouse for feedback in the bedroom.
Flirting is gone. I don’t know where along you are in your relationship but, There is a look you give someone you are longing for. You like to see them and enjoy when they look at you fondly. Blushing, laughing or hanging on to every word your partner says makes them feel special.
You let your friends/family into the relationship. Getting too much input from family members instead of your partner is an absolute no no. When you have the chance, ask questions? find out their likes and dislikes? Ask their opinion on a matter; not filling in the blanks with assumptions.
You both keep secrets from each other and are dishonest in your intent. It’s important you and you partner see eye to eye on basic fundamentals in life. Like Religion, Sexual Preference, Money and Children.
Lastly, something I picked up recently, is the Ratio of positive verses negative aspects of your relationship. This is an equation discovered by Dr. John Gottman Institute. It states that if you have more positive vs negative things happening in your relationship, you will last.
Planning for a good relationship means taking some measures to succeed. Think about it. If you make an effort and plan at anything you have better odds at reaching the goal you choose. And, if you think there is some perfect relationship out there please share because there likely are none. But, its worth trying to obtain the love and friendships we need in order to have a satisfying existence.