Things You Should Know Before You Date a Divorcée 

A Divorce doesn’t always signify that a person is not quality or a good match. Who they married before was likely a bad match for them. However, there are things you need to know before you date a divorcée. Let’s discuss some things to be aware of.

Photo by Gary Barnes on
  1. Emotional Baggage. All the hurts and pains are brought over from that painful marriage and divorce. Tread lightly here, and let them take their time opening up to you. When they trust you enough and are ready to talk, listen and show deep concern for the pain they endured. Most people describe divorce as a death of the person they once loved. However that person is still walking this earth.     
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  2. There may be some physical baggage– Their ex may still be involved, assets, children. Extended family; these are all areas you need to be ready to deal with. Perhaps children young or older are involved in their daily life and now YOU have to audition for their support as well.
  3. Divorcee’s like to keep things simple -They may really not go all out for their new partner, for fears of giving too much and getting their heart broken. Don’t expect excessive romantic experiences because, they have been there done that. What they are looking for won’t be as superficial. They have been known to enjoy a few dalliances before really committing again. So if they take little interest in really getting to know you, you may be a rebound.

  4. WHY did they divorce?-You may never get a full understanding of why their marriage failed. They will likely share only their version of why the marriage failed. Just remember, it is still a one-sided perspective; unless you have some unusual connection with their ex. I would highly advise against any deep realtionship with their EX. It can really complicate matters. Side note, if they are still operating like a married couple run the hills. They may still have feelings they shouldn’t be introducing you to their ex and still hanging out with them on a regular.
  5. They Spot Red Flags-They tend to break things off quickly. If they sense danger in any form they will pump the brakes. Remember they have suffered tremendous loss and become less tolerant of people in general.

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  6. Projection-Their negative feelings or inadequacies will reveal themself from time to time. When you do something that vaguely reminds them of their past experience they may project this onto you. Expect a lot of miscommunication while dating divorcees they read into things with much more sensitivity than others. Sometimes the divorce can lead to self-esteem issues. It is not your job to play therapist. If you want to assist, share genuine remarks about their strengths to provide a little self-esteem boost. Who doesn’t love kind compliments.

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  7. Eagerness- this one mostly pertains to men. I’m amazed that men don’t necessarily wait for the ink to dry on divorce papers as they jump right into dating again. Women tend NOT to be as eager. I believe that this is because most men have been in a unsatisfying marriage for many years trying to make things work. Even, when the marriage is  irrevocably damaged they continue to hang on to any life raft. So, they have had the cooling off period. They likely have been living a single life for quite a while. Just remember that they may be anxious to be with a great person and once they found YOU the relationship is sometimes fast paced. Just remember to guide and remind them that you are not going anywhere and want to get to know them better. They will be then less likely feel the need to rush.
  8. Memories of the good ol’ days-They hang on to memorabilia but won’t tell you. Don’t be surprised when you stumble across old wedding photos or mementos.  Or perhaps other people including family members and children may have those photos in their home as well. Just remember you were not their first; as harsh as this sounds.
    woman looking at photo album
    Photo by Dominika Roseclay
  9. They don’t value big weddings- Most would rather a small antiquated wedding. So if your one that cares about elaborate weddings and want that, this may be a no go.
  10. Dealing With Their EX’s-Divorcée  many still have to deal with ex’s and there is some jealously that comes with that. You may feel at times a bit concerned or worried when they must interact with their ex’s. Just remember that person broke their heart or they perhaps were miserable and have NO desire to go back. However you must not show any insecurity and know your value. This really applies to young women who have never been married. Understanding the complexities of marriage may be hard and so this may not work for the faint at heart. Because many of times you will have to put on a brave face an accept their past.

I know that these are not addressing ever concern. So head into your new relationship with a divorcée with patience and understanding.


My site and my business of helping others connect with someone come from over 18 years of research, practice and simple common sense. Every week, I will continue to post more content that will help you narrow it down. And, I will take you on a path that will allow you to claim what you want when it comes to finding a great partner. This blog is not only for lovers but, people looking to find meaningful relationships and to understand people better. Kate studied Communications and Public Relations at CalState Dominguez College and lives in Phoenix with her husband and their beautiful son and daughters.

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