How Your Insecurity Affects Dating

All of us have some insecurities– It’s not terrible but it’s not good either

Being insecure isn’t abnormal. It is a human impulse that makes us judge and critique ourselves. But it can be terrible when dating. Because this is a time when insecurities are heightened because you can’t tell yet what the other person thinks of you. So you resort to guessing and overthinking.

I don’t know a single person that thinks they have it under control 24/7 and doesn’t let their insecurities show. There is always someone richer, fitter, healthier, smarter, or just awesome to aspire to!  Since insecurities plague even the most confident people, you don’t have to feel alone. You can choose to be focused on the best version of YOU.  When you date your insecurities are your greatest fear about yourself being found out. Thinking someone will figure out who you really are or worse, how you feel about yourself inside.

This is why before you take on dating, get out of your own way and begin to let go of those insecurities.

When you begin dating it seems hard to get past your insecurities but, what fixes insecurities is confidence. Have you been around a person who constantly criticizes themselves and is never satisfied with how they look? They can also be insecure about their success and feel the need to do or say crazy things to get attention. I could name a few famous individuals that reveal insecurities about themselves by saying insane things to get attention. Would you want to date someone like this? Ya! …didn’t think so.

     Here are a few tips to help you avoid being insecure when dating 

  1. Don’t take everything personally you don’t need to make everything about you.
  2. Remember that your date has interest in you otherwise, they wouldn’t be with you.
  3. Just because you have done things in the past doesn’t mean your date will do the same. ex; maybe you cheated in a relationship. This doesn’t mean you will have it done to you. Don’t sabotage yourself by concocting beliefs about the relationship that is made up.
  4. Stop checking in every hour. If you are wondering where he or she is just a quick” Hey, hope your ok” will suffice. Don’t ever start the conversation with, ‘Where are you?’ or accusatory remarks.
  5. Begin your day with positive self-talk. Remember you are an awesome person.This one is key!* positive self-talk is key to overcoming ay insecurity.
  6. Don’t let your past create the future you want. You can still have insecurities but work on them every day.
  7. Speak to a therapist or life coach to build your confidence back especially if unresolved issues are causing you insecurities? Is it fear of being dumped? childhood trauma? Weight problems? a feeling of inadequacy? All of these lead to trust issues. Not good when building relationships. The building blocks of any good relationship are trust and communication.
  8. Ask direct questions to people, how do you feel about me? Don’t fill your mind with assumptions.girl-thinking

I know that sometimes being insecure has caused you lots of pain and loss. Just know you are not alone out there.



My site and my business of helping others connect with someone come from over 18 years of research, practice and simple common sense. Every week, I will continue to post more content that will help you narrow it down. And, I will take you on a path that will allow you to claim what you want when it comes to finding a great partner. This blog is not only for lovers but, people looking to find meaningful relationships and to understand people better. Kate studied Communications and Public Relations at CalState Dominguez College and lives in Phoenix with her husband and their beautiful son and daughters.


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