5 Things You Should Know Before Dating Someone Outside Your Race?

a couple sitting on couch holding gadgets

Many people hate the word racist. However, no matter what anyone tells you, racism still exists. While it does not play out the same way it did 100 years ago. There still are biases that are placed on different groups. Some more than others. I never thought I’d write an article on race but, I always believed racism was done and over with.

What prompted me was a Facebook post whereby a company Ad displayed an interracial couple. A white man and a black female. They had two kids and were relaxing comfortably on a picnic blanket. And as many of us do, I was looking at the comments to see what was being said about the product. I came to find that there were many more concerns about the couple’s children and how they should look. I also was shocked at how many people commented on the children’s skin color and hair.

So I decided as a mixed race person myself and married to a white person I’d share some things you should know before dating a person outside your race.

 #1. Your Family Will Judge You. 

Ex; Some Family and even friends criticized my choice of men for many years. I definitely wasn’t expecting that considering my whole family was well mixed. Some looked at interracial dating as weird. Not sure why some felt that way but it was their problem. Looking back at their wayward comments now, I understand that it was because THEY didn’t feel like they could date outside their race and so most of their insults or snide comments are just projections.

The interesting thing about this is their children went on to interracial dating. The lesson here: don’t let your family’s racist views govern your choice to date outside your race. Remember, hatred and racism are taught. 

#2. Get Ready to Have Some New Foods That May Make Your Taste Buds Go Nuts. 

White people get a lot of flack for their bland foods but no one ever told me that it would make my stomach issues go away😁. If you can be a glass 1/2 full type person, dating someone outside your race will be easy. Looking to try new foods or just partake in things you did not grow up around would make anyone grow and learn. 

However, If you are simply finicky, or have incredibly specific dietary needs; It may complicate things and frustrate especially when you like certain foods and they don’t. A great deal of conversation will be about where should we go to dinner. My choices are always eccentric and my husbands not so much.

Since Food is a vital part of living and certain cultures congregate around food it may be wise to be sure you can hang with what’s cooking.

#3. Manners and Cultural Rules are Different for Every Race. 

It’s important to understand that not all people see race in the same light. I view us humans as one race. The human-race. Yet—society sees it as more regional. If you are from Africa you are technically African. 

Yet, being from Africa and being white or black still doesn’t define you as African because of the color of your skin.  Charlize Theron, Trevor Noah, and Elon Musk are all African. I’m sure they are all viewed differently.

Everyone has been able to see proper etiquette on display throughout their lives. We see it on TV daily. Well.. not so much these days. So most of your learning of etiquette probably and hopefully still resides with those who have raised you. Think of all the shows you’ve watched minus the un-classy ones. I see you Jersey Shore!

I’m certain you’ve seen men hold open doors for ladies, women serving their men food at a dinner table. I’m also sure you’ve seen People who are black being portrayed as loud and then somehow the portrayal is reality when it is acted out by real blacks in real life.

Many cultures across the world have different sets of rules. For instance, in most cultures women are expected to stay home and raise the children; yes! That still goes on today.  So here in the United States with Our Girl Boss attitudes and Feminism ramped up to heights unseen, we can clearly understand that maybe dating someone who is outside our cultural realm may not work. 

Too much may become expected of you. Dating someone in a different religion, social ideals, treatment of the in-laws, education levels, or expectations may put a real strain on the relationship. In essence, dating outside one’s race is protracted because many of these closed-minded views needed to dissipate in order for us to take on someone new; who doesn’t look like one of us.

I’m going to leave you with one bit of advice, widen your friend group. Stop looking to even out your group, you don’t need one token black friend, or an Asian friend to make it look diverse. This is something the media has been doing for a long time. And so to reference back to the article that made me write this, I can understand why it is bemusing to some when they see an interracial couple.


My site and my business of helping others connect with someone come from over 18 years of research, practice and simple common sense. Every week, I will continue to post more content that will help you narrow it down. And, I will take you on a path that will allow you to claim what you want when it comes to finding a great partner. This blog is not only for lovers but, people looking to find meaningful relationships and to understand people better. Kate studied Communications and Public Relations at CalState Dominguez College and lives in Phoenix with her husband and their beautiful son and daughters.

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